Kalin's Birth

So last night, Kasey and I were laying in bed reminiscing about Kalin's birth. The conversation all started when we were discussing what to have for dinner tonight...yeah, our conversations take weird twists and turns sometimes. Anyway, I thought since I started this blog so late in Kalin's life that I would go back to the beginning and post his birth story. This was written by my sister-in-law Koni (Kasey's sister) who attended Kalin's birth. She was a wonderful help to both Kasey and I during the whole labor and delivery process. I am so glad she was there to share in that special time. I am also glad that she wrote all of this down and kept a good record of what was happening because a few of the details are quite fuzzy for me...pain can do that to you :-) So here it is!!

The Epic Labor and Delivery
Of
Kalin Robinson Martin

It was a dark and stormy night (not really but epics sound so much better when they begin that way). It was actually the middle of a Friday afternoon when Lindsey began to be aware of some contractions and pondered whether her water had broken. A trip to the local midwife revealed that it had not, but that Lindsey was in the early stages of labor and even a little dilated. Back home Kasey and Lindsey went.

This small event led to the alerting of the traveling sisters who began to make their traveling plans. Now, the traveling sisters are quite minor characters and are not actually sisters to one another, but they factor into the story nonetheless.

The contracting continued; the sisters traveled. The contracting continued; the sisters arrived. The contracting continued. Finally, after hours of contracting, Kasey and Lindsey decided to check in at Dominican Hospital in Santa Cruz to see what all that contracting was accomplishing.

In the early morning hours of December 30, 2007 it was discovered that Lindsey was about 2cm dilated. With contractions steadily coming 5 minutes apart there was hope that there would be some more progress in dilation, but alas this was not the case. At 7:45 am, two hours after the original check Lindsey was holding strong at 2cm.

After 2 days of contractions what Lindsey needed was sleep, so she was given a fabulous injection of morphine that she might enjoy a drug induced nap. And nap she did. The hope was that during this nap her contractions would either cease or strengthen and bring about more dilation. However, when she awakened at 12:30 pm it was only to find her dilation unchanged.

This was powerfully disappointing news which called for a powerful adjustment in plans. Lindsey, a gal who had hoped for an unmedicated birth, requested a pitocin induction, because she wanted to birth her baby. Lindsey asked the nurses, the nurses asked the midwife, the midwife asked the lady with the alligator purse (not really) and Lindsey was given the option to induce. She took the option and with a new hope ate a sandwich and prepared for a change in her contractions.

At 2:00 in the afternoon of the 30th the pitocin drip began. Lindsey and Kasey worked together as a team through these more intense contractions. By 8:40pm – progress! 4cm dilated and the midwife also broke her bag to further speed along the labor. The combination of pitocin and ruptured bag were effective in intensifying the contractions, and also in Lindsey deciding that the time had come to call for the epidural.

At 10:25pm Aunt Denise’s friend dropped by and placed the epidural. This was a fabulous choice for Lindsey. She was able to catch another nap – and dilate more. By 11:30 pm she had reached 5cm. At the 12:25 am check she was 8/9 cm. When she awakened at 2:00 am on December 31, 2007 the nurse’s check revealed she was completely dilated. The time had come to birth that baby!

Lindsey pushed powerfully and purposefully from 2:00 am until 3:17 am, at which time she delivered a 7 pound, 5 ounce baby boy named Kalin Robinson. He measured 20.5 inches long and received apgars of 8 and 8.

Lindsey and Kasey rejoiced! He’s here! He’s here! The prayers of many were answered. Those with the immense privilege of being at the hospital rejoiced! The traveling sisters rejoiced! Lindsey’s mother and aunt rejoiced! Those receiving the news by phone rejoiced!


Kalin, we are so blessed that you are here!

Here are a couple of observations for you courtesy of your Aunt Koni (one of the traveling sisters and honored to attend your mom and dad during this labor and delivery):

You have a wonderful mom. Don’t mistake her quiet demeanor for weakness. She is strong. She is long-suffering and is unafraid to ask for what she thinks is best. You should obey her. When you do you will find that it will go well with you.

You have a fantastic dad. Watch him – in the way he loves your mom he is painting a picture for you. It is a mysterious picture about Christ and the Church. He will paint it with his actions, and he will paint it with his words. Watch, and listen.

"Me" Time...and not a moment too soon.

Having a couple of hours all to myself, away from home and away from Kalin, made me feel like a new woman. I was refreshed and full of energy. Last night I ate dinner as fast as I could when Kasey got home then ran out of the house. I was off to get my hair cut and do some shopping. I felt free...at least for a few hours :-) I even opted to spend the extra $5 and get a shampoo...I mean, when was the last time somebody washed my hair FOR me?!?! Of course, the decision wasn't too hard since I was using a gift certificate that I had received from my sister for my birthday (Thanks Bekah!!). Then it was off to K-Mart to look for some warm-ups (which, sadly, I didn't find) and then to Safeway for some groceries. I'm not sure I had realized just how much I needed this break until I had it. Except for an hour every Sunday during church and maybe a couple of "date nights" for Kasey and I, I think I have been with Kalin 24/7 since he was born. I think I need more time off. I KNOW I need more time off. I love spending time with him and wouldn't give up my stay-at-home mom job for anything, but I have been severely lacking in the "me" time.

I also started to spend my birthday amazon.com and target.com gift cards yesterday. I've never been a big shopper but it has also been a LONG time since I bought something for myself. It was so much fun to browse online and see what I WANTED to buy, not what I NEEDED to buy. Add to that the fact that it started raining yesterday morning, and you have an almost perfect day!! I was giddy with excitement about my purchases, the weather, and the anticipation of my night "out on the town". It was a great day.

Now it's Friday. It's rained more today(Yippee!!) with more in the forecast for this weekend, it's pay day (Yippee!!), it's almost the weekend (Yippee!!) and my parents are coming up tomorrow (Yippee!!). Kalin is down for his second nap of the day and I'm hoping maybe this lull in the rain will hold off just for a couple of hours so Kalin and I can fit an afternoon walk in when he wakes up. I'll probably take an umbrella though, just in case. I'm happy.

Lessons in Parenting

Oh. my. goodness. So, recently, Kalin has decided to show his displeasure by screaming at us. We won't let him play with the remote. He screams and cries. We pull him away from the trash can. He screams and cries. He wants to get our attention. He screams and cries. I don't shovel the food into his mouth fast enough. He screams and cries. He wants to nurse. He screams and cries while head-butting my chest and/or hitting my chest with his hand. Some of these situations can be remedied by teaching sign language. Which is what I've decided to do. My sister has had some success with her 9 month old and my sister-in-law has used it with both of her children with great success. I'm hoping by teaching Kalin how to sign "eat", "more", and "milk" some of the screaming will be avoided.

Part of my frustration lies in the fact that Kalin can see me getting his food ready. I can even be sitting right in front of him with his food, ready to feed him, and he'll start screaming and crying with HUGE tears streaming down his face. This morning he even did it while he was half-way done eating his food. I guess I paused for too long between bites. I sat there watching him scream and wondered why, at 10 months, he was acting like a newborn who hasn't learned anything about his world and the way it works. I told him that I wasn't going to treat him like a newborn, letting him know that I wasn't going to respond to that kind of a tantrum. I waited until he calmed down a bit before feeding him more food. I know that he's not fully able to grasp what I was saying and we're not fully at the age of being able to punish behavior like that, but I also don't have to jump up and respond to or obey his every cry. The other day, during one particularly frustrating meal/clean-up, I told Kasey that I felt more like Kalin's servant than his mom. He screamed and expected me to respond in a certain way. I think, at 10 months, we can begin to change that way of thinking and try to avoid that kind of behavior.

I'm not an expert in childhood development so if any of you who have either had kids or taken these type of classes can shed some insight as to what I can and cannot expect from Kalin at this age, I would be most appreciative. I don't want to expect too much from him thereby frustrating both of us, but I also don't want to use the excuse of "He's just a baby still" thereby letting these behaviors continue on into toddler-hood or even further.

I keep wondering if this is a little glimpse of things to come. While I may be able to stop this type of behavior for a little bit, what's it going to be like when he's 2 or 3 and becoming even more independent. Oh dear. We could be in for a rough ride. The time has come and gone where our main purpose was Kalin's comfort and survival. Now the more difficult, but hopefully even more rewarding, aspects of parenting begin.

Realizations

Yesterday, Kalin and I took a trip into Santa Cruz to visit Sarah and 5 1/2 week old Luke. Yes, I drove there myself, which anybody who knows me well enough knows how big of a deal that is. I even had to get on a highway. It was so nice to visit with another mom and to have a chance to get out of the house for a few hours. I realized that Kalin and I need to get out more. We spend way too much time up here in our "tree house" alone. We need more fellowship with other humans. I am by nature an introvert but I think I'm starting to realize how much I need some grown-up interaction to keep me sane.

After dinner Kasey and I went to a special worship service at our church where they were kicking off a new project called "The Service Project" which is aimed at learning how we can serve our community and surrounding communities better and providing ways in which to do that. I met and talked to several people in the church that I've never met before. As we were leaving Kasey commented on how much energy I had, which is highly unusual by that time of night. He said, "You're almost like an extrovert, getting energy from being around people and talking to them." I suppose it could be a combination of the great sleep I'm getting now, getting out of the house during the day to fellowship with another mom, participating in a wonderful worship service, and the feeling of accomplishment at driving somewhere new all by myself.

Anyway, as I said before, we had a wonderful visit with Sarah and Luke. It's hard to believe that they are only about 10lbs. different right now when Kalin looks like he's 3x's as big as Luke!! Luke was having a good day (which I know is a big relief to his parents and completely new and different from the last few weeks). Being around Luke brought back so many memories of Kalin's newborn days. Those are difficult, but precious days that I wouldn't trade for anything. However, I'm sure Kasey was relieved when I got home and said, "Yeah, I'm definitely not ready for another one anytime soon". I loved being pregnant and do look forward to having the experience again. And the newborn stage can be so fun but I love the fact that Kalin is becoming a little more self-sufficient. I don't need to carry him around everywhere anymore. He can follow me around the house and come find me if he needs to. He can get his own toys if he wants them. He can feed himself most of the time. I can just plop him down on the floor, either sitting or standing, instead of gently laying him down. I love the freedom for myself that comes with Kalin's mobility. Yes, I will always delight in newborns and will be ecstatic when the time comes for us to go through that stage again, but for now, I couldn't be happier.

The New Normal

I liked structure. I liked being able to plan my day according to my own terms. I loved making schedules and lists; mainly I loved crossing things off of my list as they were accomplished.

Kalin arrived and all of that went out the window. My days were filled with uncertainty and endless hours of just sitting on the couch, nursing and holding Kalin, trying to figure out what he needed next. I couldn't even plan going to the bathroom. For the next couple months or so, that was the new norm. I remember asking the doctor when I should start getting Kalin on a schedule. He told me at this age and with me being a stay-at-home mom it may not be worth it to try too hard to get Kalin on a sleeping and eating schedule because it would probably change in a couple of weeks. So I continued to live on whatever schedule Kalin needed.

A few months in, Kalin started sleeping for 3 or 4 hours in a row at night with about six 40 minute naps in our arms throughout the day while being content to lay on the floor or sit in his bouncer for about 50% of his awake, non-nursing time. The other 50% was spent nursing and crying. I wasn't getting much done around the house. This became the new norm.

By 4 or 5 months the time spent nursing dropped drastically as he was able to become more efficient. He still had naps in 40 min. segments in our arms because everytime we went to put him down he would wake right back up. He was now able to sleep for 8 hour stretches at night although he wasn't very consistent. We were delighting in our extra sleep but wishing we could have it every night. We found that it's almost worse and much more annoying to get a couple of good nights in a row and then have a really bad night. We soon learned not to take those good nights for granted. Most days Kalin could be happy sitting in his bouncer while I took my showers or made dinner. The daylight started to last longer and we were finally able to have family walks in the evening which everybody enjoyed. Life was good.

6 Months. Success!! I was FINALLY able to put Kalin down for naps (still short) with some nursing and minimal rocking. I actually get to take regular showers before Kasey comes home for lunch!! I found time to e-mail people, call people, and do some housework!! Evening walks became the norm. Kalin started eating solids (which really didn't help with is sleep at all!!) and we found a new routine and a new norm to our daily tasks.

7 and 8 Months. Kalin started not to sleep so well. Our arms and backs were hurting from leaning over his crib to pat and soothe him back to sleep. We start rocking him again at night and Kasey actually starts sleeping with him in the rocker for hours at a time. Naps during the day have decreased to 3 or 4 with at least one being an hour (or sometimes longer!!). I'm feeling good about what I'm able to accomplish during the day. If only we'd get good sleep at night. Kalin's more mobile now. I have to watch him much more closely and spend much of my day on the floor with him playing.

9 Months. Still having a hard time at night and I'm having a hard time putting Kalin down for a nap. *Enter my first blog post on the Ferber Method here* It's starting to get dark early now so we don't always get our family walks in. Kalin and I start to find the time during the day to take our walk. Kalin's all over the place. He follows me everywhere and requires constant attention. Sometimes it's hard to find the time to sit at the computer or make a meal.

Now Kalin sleeps well (with only waking once or twice and being able to put himself back to sleep). And he goes down for a morning nap and an afternoon nap which last an hour and half to two hours each. I'm loving this new norm. I hope it stays for a while. It probably won't.

I'm glad that I can accomplish more during his naps because it's nearly impossible to do anything while he's awake. Which is a good thing I guess because most of the time what he wants and needs from me is attention and a playmate.

Living in the Moment

Kalin makes me laugh and smile. He’s so full of energy, which can be exhausting at times, but also makes life fun and interesting. My parents came up yesterday afternoon to visit with us. It’s good for me to see other people interact with Kalin. It makes me appreciate his adventurous, daring spirit rather than getting frustrated and annoyed at pulling him away from things and telling him "No". I feel like there are some days where the phrases "No, Kalin, get your fingers out of the VCR" or "Please don't touch the trashcan, it's yucky" or "Please stop pulling all of the books down off the bookshelf" come out of my mouth 100 times each. I've had to learn the art of distraction, which isn't always easy with him. He can be very determined to get somewhere and will completely ignore my voice and attempts. But when visitors come (which I love!!) they end up pointing out all of the amazing things Kalin is doing and has accomplished since the last time they saw him. These are things that I have noticed but since I spend everyday with him, may not have seen them for the accomplishments that they are. Part of the reason is that some things happen so gradually it kind of escapes my notice until it's pointed out to me. For instance, Kalin can now stand up on his own for a couple of minutes at a time and maintain his balance while waving his arms or playing with toys. He's been working on this for a couple weeks but it wasn't until last night when my parents were taking picture after picture and videos of him that I realized how far he's really come since the last time they saw him. I realized that I had been so focused on encouraging him to take a step that I hadn't really noticed how long he could actually stand.

I want to be able to marvel at and praise even the smallest milestone accomplished while encouraging him even further in his development. At the beginning of his life EVERYTHING was so exciting. The slightest smile, tracking objects with his eyes, reaching for objects, lifting his head off the floor during tummytime. All of these things warranted pictures, videos, and e-mails or phone calls to family to share the good news. Now I find myself saying more often, "Oh, yeah, he's been doing that for awhile."

All this to say, everyday he's learning new skills: physical, intellectual, and emotional and I want to make sure that I recognize and encourage each and everyone of them.

All Is Quiet

We’re finally doing it. We’re teaching our little boy to fall asleep on his own. I’ve been fighting doing it this way for months, hoping that it would come naturally. But over the last couple of months we have reverted back to methods that we haven’t used since he was a newborn. He’s 9 and half months old and I have only had a handful of good nights in over a year. But my desire for a good, solid 8 hours isn’t why I decided to do this. The time had come. Over the last month as Kasey and I had been discussing using the Ferber Method I just couldn’t see how I was going to handle it. It filled me dread to think of my little boy standing in his crib screaming until he was exhausted. I imagined myself curled up in bed with the covers thrown over my head to drown out the noise, sobbing right along with Kalin. And so I resisted using this method. There were times when I would throw my hands up in frustration and say “Ok, I think I’m ready to do this!!” knowing that I wouldn’t have any peace about doing it out of frustration. I didn’t want this to be punishment for him. I wanted to wait until I knew I could do it out of love and the desire to help him into the next phase of growing up. Last night that time came.

For months we could count on his bedtime as being the one no-stress time of getting down to sleep. He would eat and fall asleep in my arms. And I would be able to put him down in his crib, usually without him even stirring. But last night was different. He ate and fell into a really restless sleep. I rocked him for awhile longer hoping he would fall into a deep sleep. This didn’t happen. As soon as I put him down his eyes flew open. Kasey took him from me so I could get ready for bed. We discussed starting the Ferber Method and Kasey could tell that I was still on the fence about it. He made the wise decision that this wasn’t something that we should do spur of the moment. So he sat down to rock Kalin while I went through my nightly routine. When I was done, Kalin was still awake and restless. I told Kasey that I would try to rock him for 10 minutes and if that didn’t work then I’d try something else. During those 10 minutes it became clear that he was not going to fall asleep in my arms. I knew he was tired. He started to get a little cranky but he would not relax. During those 10 minutes I asked him what it was that he needed. And in my head I heard this, “Help me to fall asleep on my own, mommy.” And so, with complete peace, I got up, put him in his crib, kissed him, told him I loved him, and that it was time to go to sleep. I then turned on his monitor and closed the door. I then went to our bedroom turned on my side of the monitor so I could watch the little red lights as he was crying, turned on our fan and shut the door. Kasey and I knew we could be in for a long night but the time had come for our little boy to accomplish this task on his own.

After 10 minutes, Kasey went in to check on in and to let him know that we loved him. Ten minutes later, at 10:15, all was quiet. We snuck back in, using my cell phone as a night ligh,t and saw that our son had put himself to sleep in his favorite position. He was on his stomach, with his knees pulled up under him and his bottom in the air. He was snoring. We walked back out, thankful, that neither us or Kalin had to endure the crying for very long. He woke up again at 3:40, and put himself back to sleep in 10 minutes. He woke up at 5:30 and at this point we weren’t sure what we were supposed to do, I usually feed him around 5 or 6 so that he’ll sleep a couple more hours but we hadn’t read anything telling us what the “proper procedure” was. We decided to feed him at this time like he was used to. He was back in his crib, awake, at 6:00 and asleep by 6:05. He slept until almost 8:15 this morning.

We know that things might be very different tonight but I’m hopeful that this will only take a few days to work itself out.

I just put him down for a nap. He was quiet for 10 minutes. Fussy for 5. And is silent again. I know that I will be hugging him and kissing him more often during his awake hours now. I will miss the hours of rocking him everyday. But he has to grow up. Sometimes I wish I could stall time but, alas, I do not have that ability.

I am not looking forward to the weaning process in a few months. I need to find different ways to bond and connect with him throughout the day. I pray that I will have the same sense of peace when it comes to weaning that I have had during this process, otherwise I will be a complete wreck.