We’re finally doing it. We’re teaching our little boy to fall asleep on his own. I’ve been fighting doing it this way for months, hoping that it would come naturally. But over the last couple of months we have reverted back to methods that we haven’t used since he was a newborn. He’s 9 and half months old and I have only had a handful of good nights in over a year. But my desire for a good, solid 8 hours isn’t why I decided to do this. The time had come. Over the last month as Kasey and I had been discussing using the Ferber Method I just couldn’t see how I was going to handle it. It filled me dread to think of my little boy standing in his crib screaming until he was exhausted. I imagined myself curled up in bed with the covers thrown over my head to drown out the noise, sobbing right along with Kalin. And so I resisted using this method. There were times when I would throw my hands up in frustration and say “Ok, I think I’m ready to do this!!” knowing that I wouldn’t have any peace about doing it out of frustration. I didn’t want this to be punishment for him. I wanted to wait until I knew I could do it out of love and the desire to help him into the next phase of growing up. Last night that time came.
For months we could count on his bedtime as being the one no-stress time of getting down to sleep. He would eat and fall asleep in my arms. And I would be able to put him down in his crib, usually without him even stirring. But last night was different. He ate and fell into a really restless sleep. I rocked him for awhile longer hoping he would fall into a deep sleep. This didn’t happen. As soon as I put him down his eyes flew open. Kasey took him from me so I could get ready for bed. We discussed starting the Ferber Method and Kasey could tell that I was still on the fence about it. He made the wise decision that this wasn’t something that we should do spur of the moment. So he sat down to rock Kalin while I went through my nightly routine. When I was done, Kalin was still awake and restless. I told Kasey that I would try to rock him for 10 minutes and if that didn’t work then I’d try something else. During those 10 minutes it became clear that he was not going to fall asleep in my arms. I knew he was tired. He started to get a little cranky but he would not relax. During those 10 minutes I asked him what it was that he needed. And in my head I heard this, “Help me to fall asleep on my own, mommy.” And so, with complete peace, I got up, put him in his crib, kissed him, told him I loved him, and that it was time to go to sleep. I then turned on his monitor and closed the door. I then went to our bedroom turned on my side of the monitor so I could watch the little red lights as he was crying, turned on our fan and shut the door. Kasey and I knew we could be in for a long night but the time had come for our little boy to accomplish this task on his own.
After 10 minutes, Kasey went in to check on in and to let him know that we loved him. Ten minutes later, at 10:15, all was quiet. We snuck back in, using my cell phone as a night ligh,t and saw that our son had put himself to sleep in his favorite position. He was on his stomach, with his knees pulled up under him and his bottom in the air. He was snoring. We walked back out, thankful, that neither us or Kalin had to endure the crying for very long. He woke up again at 3:40, and put himself back to sleep in 10 minutes. He woke up at 5:30 and at this point we weren’t sure what we were supposed to do, I usually feed him around 5 or 6 so that he’ll sleep a couple more hours but we hadn’t read anything telling us what the “proper procedure” was. We decided to feed him at this time like he was used to. He was back in his crib, awake, at 6:00 and asleep by 6:05. He slept until almost 8:15 this morning.
We know that things might be very different tonight but I’m hopeful that this will only take a few days to work itself out.
I just put him down for a nap. He was quiet for 10 minutes. Fussy for 5. And is silent again. I know that I will be hugging him and kissing him more often during his awake hours now. I will miss the hours of rocking him everyday. But he has to grow up. Sometimes I wish I could stall time but, alas, I do not have that ability.
I am not looking forward to the weaning process in a few months. I need to find different ways to bond and connect with him throughout the day. I pray that I will have the same sense of peace when it comes to weaning that I have had during this process, otherwise I will be a complete wreck.
For months we could count on his bedtime as being the one no-stress time of getting down to sleep. He would eat and fall asleep in my arms. And I would be able to put him down in his crib, usually without him even stirring. But last night was different. He ate and fell into a really restless sleep. I rocked him for awhile longer hoping he would fall into a deep sleep. This didn’t happen. As soon as I put him down his eyes flew open. Kasey took him from me so I could get ready for bed. We discussed starting the Ferber Method and Kasey could tell that I was still on the fence about it. He made the wise decision that this wasn’t something that we should do spur of the moment. So he sat down to rock Kalin while I went through my nightly routine. When I was done, Kalin was still awake and restless. I told Kasey that I would try to rock him for 10 minutes and if that didn’t work then I’d try something else. During those 10 minutes it became clear that he was not going to fall asleep in my arms. I knew he was tired. He started to get a little cranky but he would not relax. During those 10 minutes I asked him what it was that he needed. And in my head I heard this, “Help me to fall asleep on my own, mommy.” And so, with complete peace, I got up, put him in his crib, kissed him, told him I loved him, and that it was time to go to sleep. I then turned on his monitor and closed the door. I then went to our bedroom turned on my side of the monitor so I could watch the little red lights as he was crying, turned on our fan and shut the door. Kasey and I knew we could be in for a long night but the time had come for our little boy to accomplish this task on his own.
After 10 minutes, Kasey went in to check on in and to let him know that we loved him. Ten minutes later, at 10:15, all was quiet. We snuck back in, using my cell phone as a night ligh,t and saw that our son had put himself to sleep in his favorite position. He was on his stomach, with his knees pulled up under him and his bottom in the air. He was snoring. We walked back out, thankful, that neither us or Kalin had to endure the crying for very long. He woke up again at 3:40, and put himself back to sleep in 10 minutes. He woke up at 5:30 and at this point we weren’t sure what we were supposed to do, I usually feed him around 5 or 6 so that he’ll sleep a couple more hours but we hadn’t read anything telling us what the “proper procedure” was. We decided to feed him at this time like he was used to. He was back in his crib, awake, at 6:00 and asleep by 6:05. He slept until almost 8:15 this morning.
We know that things might be very different tonight but I’m hopeful that this will only take a few days to work itself out.
I just put him down for a nap. He was quiet for 10 minutes. Fussy for 5. And is silent again. I know that I will be hugging him and kissing him more often during his awake hours now. I will miss the hours of rocking him everyday. But he has to grow up. Sometimes I wish I could stall time but, alas, I do not have that ability.
I am not looking forward to the weaning process in a few months. I need to find different ways to bond and connect with him throughout the day. I pray that I will have the same sense of peace when it comes to weaning that I have had during this process, otherwise I will be a complete wreck.
2 comments:
and you say you can't write, whatever, you almost made me cry. You're awesome, I love you, I'm a little jealous that Kalin speaks to you already though.
Hey, when Sarah was about 7 or 8 months old we didn't know about any "method". As Mike and I lay in bed and Sarah was crying, he put his strong arm over me and told me that she just wanted "fellowship" and this was not the time for that. She fell asleep shortly. We remember those days....they are fun, but also a learning process. Enjoy those days; they go by SOOOOO quickly.
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